eat your liminal beans

Am I that busy?

2009-02-02T23:54:00.000-08:00

Wow.. I haven't blogged in months.

Updates..

...job getting easier.
...new house has been habitable for a few months.
...the area is great for weekend hikes, but I'm still not in the shape that I was a year ago.
...waiting for daylight savings to end (or is it start)?
...nothing beats weekend mornings on the porch with the l.a. times and coffee.

fall update

2008-10-09T21:02:00.000-07:00

yes..

so.. my job became really really difficult. i worked about 70 hours a week in september and things are only starting to settle down.
i feel a lack of control sometimes...like i'm wasting time and not getting things done as they should be. i'm also very hard on myself and need to realize that it is a new job and there is a learning curve.
things are starting to settle down a bit, though.

err.. we are in escrow. the house is in a pretty boring area, but it doesn't matter because it needs a lot of work and we won't have time to go explore. it is close to two major bike trails, though. it is also connected to work via reliable transportation. cannot complain.

we are getting married in may (city hall) and we are taking an easy-going ten day vacation.
yeah.

um..i'm tired.

2008-08-03T19:03:00.000-07:00

so.. it seems like i've found the perfect job. i'm now a site manager for jumpstart. j-start is an americorps-affiliated program that pairs college volunteers with low-income preschool children. throughout the school year, i'll train and support college students while they work on-on-one with their partner child to build language, literacy, and social initiative skills. i was a jumpstart volunteer in college and i matured a great deal through the experience.
i started a month ago and so far, i'm in love with the job. i just got back from a training in boston. i finally got to see a game at fenway. i enjoyed the city a great deal and i only wish that i had more time there.
i wanted to live in the college town to be closer to my job, but it is too far for the sig nif. it looks like we're going to buy a house at the halfway point.

well, i'm happy. the weekends are work-free and i wake up excited in the morning. i don't have that awful anxious feeling anymore.

woo!

double arrrgh

2008-06-23T13:20:00.000-07:00

liminal beans for sure.

i resigned at 11:15 today. it is 1:19 and i still don't have a job. i am somewhat expecting to reject an offer today... the job is out of alignment with my mission in life. i won't feel great about being in a cramped office with underemployed and underpaid ivy league grads whose mission is to beef up gifted and talented services in public schools. i never liked those kids and i still don't like them. they are probably all republicans anyways. i am, on the other hand, expecting an offer within the week.
i'm hoping that offer will work out and that it will lead to a relocation by october.
i also hope that more people are foreclosed upon before october so that we can get a good deal on a 3 bd house, rent out one of the rooms, and pay the same amount in mortgage/taxes/insurance that we are for rent.
i really don't want to work and i hate money. today, i'll have to pay $150.00 to fix a broken window on j's car. i don't even like cars...or driving.

well, i'll try to trim the fat by:
-not buying books
-not buying convenience food
-not buying meals out for that 2x a month
-not buying...gasp...soda
-maybe cancelling the gym membership and using the h.s. gym, park, and freeweights instead.
-no more netflix.
-using the library for books, cd's, videos, dvds, etc.
-going to the bargain movies in pasadena.

better go.

no news

2008-06-16T21:18:00.000-07:00

..on the job front. i'm getting pretty impatient and perhaps a bit depressed. i don't understand why i'm not getting hired by anyone..especially considering the fact that i've been a workoholic for the past six years. i get to work an hour before anyone else. i have gone over and beyond my duties. i've sponsored clubs, organized field trips, and initiated new programs. whenever the district needed anyone to author curricula, i was the go-to person.
i know that i don't interview well. i despite those "scenario" questions. i take time to think things through and i know that i don't come up with any impressive responses on the spot.
i just had my third jumpstart interview today. my second interview with i.e.a. in pasadena is tomorrow.
i'm just frustrated. i hate the fact that my boyfriend and all of his lazy friends don't have to work hard because they've inherited property. i hate the fact that i wake up every morning in a shitty apartment. this morning a poisoned cockroach was staring up at me. i hate the fact that i've done everything i've been told to do, yet i still fall short. i was told to study and work hard in school. i graduated summa cum laude. i had a job lined up before i graduated...with a so-called prestigious and highly regarded corps that hasn't done a thing for my current employment situation. i got a master's degree from the second best education graduate school in the country. i know that i sound stupid and bratty and that maybe i shouldn't feel so "entitled." i just feel bad that my parents sacrificed everything and that now i'm in this predicament. i don't come anywhere close to enjoying their standard of living. when they were my age they had 2 kids and a house. i don't feel that i have anything. i have a stupid boyfriend that can't commit to anything beyond renting shitty movies and eating and napping all of the time. i just feel like i deserve more. i just want to disappear sometimes.

Arrrgh

2008-06-07T21:31:00.000-07:00

Update:

1. Riordan rejected me
2. Two interviews with the U.C. system later- rejected. I had to fly to both Oakland and Sacramento.
3. I just interviewed with Jumpstart and a non-profit in Pasadena. We'll see....
4. I may have an interview at L.B.C.C. I passed the first stage of the selection process. Hopefully, I'll move onto the second stage soon.

29

2008-05-19T02:34:00.000-07:00

it is my birthday. it is 2:30 in the morning and i can't sleep at all. we had a picnic in the park today. i had to get there around 9 to claim the space and i think i just lost track of my caffinne consumption after being there for about 10 hours. a quick run down:
1) read some uplifting and not-so-uplifting news and just about all of miranda july's short stories
2) ate lots of fake meat
3) saw friends with kids
4) saw friends without kids
5) never got to ride bikes

yeah. i don't have any resolutions for age 29...or do i?

1) stop the endless cycle of want
2) get a cool(er) job
3) learn grantwriting
4) score some money for a good non-profit in need
5) ride my bike more
6) start running again...this time in moderation
7) don't eat processed stuff...its bad
8) be nicer
9) more hiking
10) more weekend trips
11) maybe buy a place. whatever. it won't make me happier.

job scoreboard:

1) I've applied to 45 jobs
2) New Teacher Project- Interviewed/Rejected
3) Teach for America- Interviewed/Rejected
4) The Riordan Foundation- Interviewed/?
5) Trash for Teaching-Interviewed/?
6) University of California- Interview on Wednesday

This is boring...

after a three month lull

2008-03-24T12:27:00.000-07:00

wow...i haven't posted since january. i guess that there has not been much time.
1) the man that we call d.b. (Dr. Beikman) passed away in January. i miss him a great deal.
d.b. spoke about 10 languages and could read about 20. he was a composer, self-taught computer programmer, and airmchair economist. he baked the best banana bread in the world, cooked a mean crockpot of hungarian stew, and took me to the used bookstore to buy paper grocey bags full of the classics. he was diagnosed with liver cancer in december. the last time i had seen him was two years prior. we showed up for a surprise visit on his birthday. we had an impromptu party/ambush. the house was decorated, the dog was going crazy, he even drank maker's mark. i took some bereavement time from work to stay in indiana for a brutal four days of cold and rain.
2) i am in indiana again. my grandmother died on wednesday of last week. she had come back to pittsburgh where my mother had set her up with an apartment. she simply passed away in her sleep. it was a shock to everyone. she was 77. because my great grandparents lived well into their 90's, we thought that they would both live longer.
3) i'm having a fourth interview next friday for a non-profit based in l.a. fingers crossed.
4) i'm ready to buy a condo. i really mean it this time.

more later.

confession

2008-01-04T20:21:00.000-08:00

o.k...prior to christmas, i must admit that i fell off of the anti-consumer wagon. yeah. i know. it was christmas. i bought gifts. i bought some clothes for myself. i'm now reading The Overspent American. its a little dated, but helped me to resurrent my anti-conumer zeal. now i'm a born again. vacation is almost over and it was nice to be able to laze around and read and listen to music. my grandfather is quite ill and will not make it too much longer. i may need to leave the state for awhile.
argh.

inspiration point

2007-12-16T16:53:00.000-08:00

-self portrait at the top of the trail

-view of glendale and eagle rock from the top of mt verdugo

so..i wanted to hike to inspiration point. i was discouraged, though, by hiking blogs that warned of the hike being rigorous and taking the good part of the day.

i stuck to verdugo mountain, which is closer to home. the blogs also reported a more slight change in elevation and a shorter round trip time.

it was o.k., but i wish i would have done the mount lowe hike. i've been waiting to do it all week, but the rain has been relentless. verdugo mountain was easy. it only took two hours roundtrip. i hiked at a brisk pace and felt no burning whatsoever. it was also quite boring. it was a fire round and there was just some bare chaparral plants on the fringe of the trail. although the griffith park trails are lame and touristy, they make for more interesting hikes because of the non-native plants that people have brought into the park. yes, that proved disastrous in the last fire, i know. apart from an elderly couple that didn't seem to make it very far, there were no signs of life.

well, i will hike mt. lower and maybe even henninger flats before my break is through.

break

2007-12-16T16:47:00.000-08:00

we call this the "edge of the world." i think that everyone else calls it "fermin state park." anyhow, it is one of our favorite spots. when we first met, we stayed up all night and decided to come here for the sunrise. i remember that there were about 30 or so mangy cats ascending from the bottom of the hill in a pack. we finally realized that a crazy woman in spandex was feeding them out of her van. we couldn't stop laughing for some reason or another.
yesterday, we made a kite out of newspaper. it did quite well and i was able to retrive it in one piece. i want to make some different designs. i've read that trash bags also make good kite material.

we went to claremont today to check out the converted packinghouse. it was a nice day to eat a turkey sandwich and take a stroll around an east coast-ish college town, but the packinghouse was sort of a let down. i wanted to ask the people at the prison book project if they needed volunteers, but noone was present. i worked at a similar project in olympia. i probably devoted twenty or so hours a week when the rain season was in full swing and when i didn't have any spending money. that was pretty much the entirety of our stay. i'll try again.

t-giving

2007-11-24T09:05:00.000-08:00

Thanksgiving was "bleh" as always. I've never liked the holiday much. I'm not the biggest fan of thanksgiving food. I did run the 10K race in about 50 minutes, which is not bad considering the fact that a lot of people were running with strollers and dogs and the path was PACKED!
Buy nothing day turned out o.k., we stayed in and watched movies. Both of us were feeling under the weather. I'm still deciding what to do for christmas gifts. I haven't really learned how to knit. It looks like I'll be making donations on behalf of people..or something like that. Grrr. I really wish that we could just skip the formalities of these holidays. It causes more stress than what it is worth.

the compact

2007-11-17T19:23:00.000-08:00

so...i found about a group in san fran that is in the midst of a year-long fast. i'm not the only one. i decided to nix the knitting yarn from my list of acceptable items. i have enough lying around to make at least one scarf. besides, it is easy to buy a used sweater or blanket, tear it apart, and create something new. people did it for generations..before all of this madness set in.

so far, the fast is easy and manageable. i don't think that i've mentioned that i live across the street from a goodwill.

i need to find other bloggers who are either part of the "compact" or who generally make a habit out of buying everything used.

Consumer Fast- Day 9

2007-11-14T15:15:00.000-08:00

I'm not buying anything new for a year. There are a few exceptions, but the goal is to buy:

-no new consumer goods for an entire year. this includes, but is not limited to the following:
-no electronics
-no new clothing
-no new shoes (this will be hard because i run up to 50 miles a week)
-no new cell phone
-no new furniture
-no miscellaneous items (tupperware, office/school supplies, hair clips, etc).
- no bottled water
-no NEW CDs, LPs, DVDs

the following items will be considered acceptable:

-health and beauty aids within reason
-food (eating at restaurants will be limited..i've been living off of canned and frozen food that
i've had for over a year..i figure that i can kill some of it off before buying grocieries)
-knitting yarn (i'm going to make, bake, or cook all gifts)

-gasoline (sounds pretty... well.. ridiculous...but i can't find a way around driving to work. i do have a hyrbid, though.

because we decided last minute not to buy anything in L.A., i'd like to add even more to my accumulated savings. when we move, i should have a considerable amount.

i've spent about $10.00 over the past week, mostly on vegetables.

this is so easy.
i even washed some of my clothes in the bathtub..like the japanese.

2007-07-10T08:21:00.000-07:00

the transition is just about over.
i love the new place here. the neighborhood, albeit dodgy, has grit (a la Pulp's common people).
here are some pictures. my days have not been too eventful, but that is exactly what i wanted. i wake up, make a pot of coffee, read the entire newspaper, run errands, make lunch, plow through a book, work on the apartment, eat dinner, jog, watch a movie. these are the things that i usually cannot find the time for during the school year.
i'm going to pittsburgh tomorrow and at the moment, i'm updating my ipod so that i can practice my spanish and listen to some podcasts on the plane.

my weakness

2007-06-30T00:49:00.000-07:00

This scene...me holding a cup of coffee that is bigger than my head...is becoming too common of a sight. Its pricey...labor practices are questionable...and the adverse health effects are many. I can't stop though.